Things a Postman says

 Don't you mean Postwoman? 


No, actually! I always wanted to be a postman; it's traditional and as you can plainly see, I have the trousers for it.

Before I start, you will see that I am the very proud owner of the new Kindred Spirit award. The Lovely Sarah Mac awarded it to me, and she is one of the reasons that I continue to blog. When I began, I knew I wanted an outlet for myself but didn't realise I'd be opening the door to friends. It has been a surprise, delight and support to me. She is definitely a kindred spirit and in her fantastic blog, I sometimes feel she is my West Country doppleganger. However, since she is tall and willowy, more like a negative of my much shorter, rounder self.

I look forward to welcoming any new friends to PP and to finding more kindred spirits x

So, things a Postman says:

•  Knock! Knock! Knock!   Good afternoon Sir, can I have your mail back, it's for next door
• Ratatatat!  Hello Sir, can I give you this? (hands over awkward package and clocks the customer looking expectantly at the pile of mail in my  his/her hand)    Yes, you may have more mail Sir, but I actually start at the other end of the street and , well your parcel was getting on my nerves  Customer(gamely):  See you soon then.                                                                                                                           

• May I say Sir, that is the most splendiferous moustache!

• Roll up the magazine and the minute the dog grabs it, pull it straight back out through the letterbox quick! It won't do that again  - but it wasn't me who told you.

• Knock! Knock! Knock!    I am very sorry to ask you this Madam, but can you take me to 49a please. I've looked and looked.

• Sign here, Sir. Print on the top then sign on the bottom.     Do you have a pen? 

•   Knock Knock !  Sorry Sir, Just returning your pen.

•  It's not so bad as long as you're working
• Yes thanks, it is cold enough for me
• It's OK if you keep moving

• Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I hope that's a dog's toy!

• Yes your post is a bit damp but if you would care to look at me for a moment then I think we can put this into perspective.

• Hahahaha! No Sir, I can't take that to Basingstoke.

• That frikkin dog from number 50 nearly had my hand off through the letterbox this morning!

• There is blood all over the mail for my route this morning. Who would be so unprofessional?  What if they had something? Why didn't they get a plaster? After bleeding on the first 20, you'd think they'd have sought help, unbeliev......     .........Boss, where's the first aid box? I've cut my finger!

• Haha! No, I didn't manage to take your mail to Basingstoke.

• You can leave your handbag in the depot no worries. No one will touch it.  Best take your uniform home though.... ........

• Either number 52 has bought an identically vicious dog, or the one from number 50 has dug a tunnel!

• Ha..Basingstoke was lovely, Thanks.

• Isn't that your telephone ringing? My Mum's fine, Thanks for asking? Erm, telephone.. No Dad isn't too well. Tel... No my Mum isn't Jackie. Answer your frikking phone!

• Member of Public:   That's not a local accent is it?

                            Me:         No, I'm from Hoochter Chuchter*  in Fife
                            MofP:     Oh, I know Hoochter Chucter!              
                                             silence      pin drop        very quiet       bit more silence        nothing



       Me:      Horrible isn't it?
       MofP:  Didn't like to say.




And finally, an anecdote.
 During the course of my day, I come into contact, either hither or thither with young men. One in particular blushes profusely every time he sees me and finds it difficult to keep eye contact.
 I was just congratulating myself on 'life left in the old dog yet' syndrome when, in a rare moment of self awareness, I realised that the poor young man is mortified because a middle-aged tubby woman from Hoochter Chuchter looks at him with the clear desire to eat him with a spoon.




* Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and me from being stabbed)