Thursday, February 9, 2012

My new alcohol -again

Forgive me, but I am reposting this because of a comment/story I left on someone else's blog.It's made me a little thoughtful and when I read it, I see how much has changed for me in the 2 months since I wrote it.


I have gone up 3 dress sizes since having a break from my career, and I have been teetotal for the past 6.5 months.
This is only significant because, when I struggled with my weight before being teetotal, it was usually remedied by cutting out alcohol. 
I have been struggling with this anomaly (or is it a paradox?) as my arse got increasingly bigger.
I also love being outdoors and paradoxically (definitely the right word this time)  have spent less time outdoors than ever before now that I have the time to do it, and I soooo miss it! I do not enjoy wasting my days by watching TV. But that is exactly how I spend too much of my time.
About a month or so ago, I realised that TV was my new alcohol - it has a much stronger grip on me than I have on it. It is all about NOT being in the here and now of life, it is something that takes me away from my reality. This also puzzles me as I am happy with my home, my friends, my family. A friend of mine tells me she thinks it's an escape from an otherwise busy life, sole responsibility for 3 children takes a lot of juggling and organising and so, she maintains that I use it as a way to switch off. I don't feel that's correct. Maybe it explains sitting down after tea but not switching it on the moment they have gone to school. Nope there is something else going on.
I went out tonight and got into conversation with someone who has a similar profession to me. She's an art therapist who is reassessing the job she loves. I love my job, I just can't do it at the moment. I am burnt out.
I had an interview to be a postie this week (will let you know when I hear about it, it will be 4 weeks apparently)  It will pay about a quarter of the wage I am used to but my dream job has always been to be a postie and the interview only fired my enthusiasm even further. I can think of nothing nicer than walking all day, watching the seasons change, being a pivotal part of the community and having little stressMy friend the therapist has also enquired about being a postie. She has sold her house because she fancied renting for a while, and has found it incredibly liberating. She does not have to constantly repair and improve this house. She can simply relax in it and she has found she has freed up a lot of her time.
I found myself telling her about the TV situation and she said that made sense to her because she stopped smoking 9 years ago, and food took the place of cigarettes 
Now, my new friend told me, she always knows when she is stressed because she finds herself frantically looking for food the moment she finishes work -turns her car upside down. Knowing this, she started an exercise regime but feels that it will easily become an addiction. I replied that twice in my life exercise became an addiction and developed alongside a borderline eating disorder. It then dawned on both of us, that we have addictive personalities. I am lucky in that I never step so far over the edge that I can't get back. So, the food and the TV are not only the new alcohol, but they are new addictions taking over from the previous ones. So, so soooooooooo. What are the addictions replacing? Can I get to the bottom of that? What do I constantly need that I do not have/get? How can I sort that one out?
Answers on a postcard please. Otherwise, what's your addiction?

No comments:

Post a Comment