Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Pammy does the splits!

... in her dreams.
I feel very nearly 100% sure that I have never successfully 'splitted', not even during the bendy years. I used to be able to bite my toe nails and I find myself today not so much disgusted at my youthful habits as a bit pissed off that I can barely touch my toes without the aid of someone on work experience.
I've been watching 'Britain's Got Talent  (it hasn't!) and that must be what set me off on this train of thought.

First up there was a magical duo who did a bit of an underwater escape act and whilst it all went swimmingly,one couldn't help but notice that they looked as surprised as the rest of us that at least one of them hadn't drowned on national TV. 

Luckily, our favourite deranged 'tickler of the ivories' got through to the next round with her very special brand of 'Classic Pop Songs done on the Organ after Several Creme-de-Menthes.'  She somehow managed to make the Beatles, Bontempi-Cool!. She went way past rock and roll and landed squarely in the category of surprise that would house 'David Beckam wins Clapham Dominoes League'.

I honestly think that we all voted for her because she is a happy woman. Jean is, at 60, as excitable as a child. She wears unsuitable sparkly tops, waves, giggles and throws her head back in joy whilst she's playing. It's irresistible and infectious.We British are gob-smacked that one of our own has the ability to find joy in tiny spaces- and you can tell that Jean is a master at it. 'Britain's Got A Bit Damp' could have summed up our collective state of mind thus far. But no longer, not now that we have an  glow-in-the-dark organ grinder and monkey, rolled into one.
John Shuttleworth      will have been green with envy and Ken will be round to Jean's like a rat up a drain pipe. (I find John oddly attractive)
  Interestingly, this photo was also in Google Images under 'John Shuttleworth'. Mind boggles!

I think that The Royal Variety Performance, really should have a bit of OOmph! about it.
Jean's full of OOmph!
Other things that might appear on  the oomphing bill  are: Javier Bardem stripping  (taken as read); Camilla Parker Bowles doing The Macarena and Snoop Dogg demonstrating the art of spliff- rolling using William and Kate commemorative Rizlas whilst rapping 'I've Got a  Luvverly Bunch of Coconuts'           '

I'd appreciate your ideas for an oomphed up Royal Variety. Chuck 'em in the comments box below please. If it isn't there just click on the word comments and off you go!

xx                          Part of The Friday Funny


  1. Hmmm, John Shuttleworth .... yes, and scarily, Martin Clunes too!!!

    I may well dream of Camilla doing the Macarena tonight, I find it surprisingly easy to picture!

  2. Oh Sarah,
    I think Martin Clunes is a bit lovely myself, but never met anyone else who felt the same.At last, a kindred spirit.

  3. A true kindred spirit and as one of my favorite bloggers you have been awarded

  4. Sarah Mac sent me. And I think that I would actually hire someone, not just use work experience folk, to get my mouth to my toes. If I were so inclined. Which I'm not. No. Seriously. :-)

  5. Sarah, I am absolutely thrilled at my award from you! Congrats on the Malteser thing as well btw!I was so proud, I nearly combusted.
    Welcome, I'm so Fancy! Have been having a ridiculously busy time but will give you both the attention you deserve after the weekend.

  6. Thanks for joining in, Pam. I loved Jean's performance, so full of life, or as you say, full of oomph!